Speak No Evil
by Silvermoontwentyseven
Summary: All those years of listening to Raph seethe and rage over his brothers has left one impression in Spike's mind. And now, in his new mutant body, Slash is able to take revenge on the ones he's been bred to hate all of his life. When Leo is kidnapped by Slash, Raph must a make a decision to save his brother's life. But is he prepared to pay the cost? Warning: Graphic violence
1. Chapter 1: Nightmare

**Author's Note:** This is an alternate ending to the episode _Slash and Destroy _from season two. The first chapter is meant to be a teaser or prologue, so that's why it's so short. It's going to be a shorter story, possibly five chapters, that I work on off to the side, as my main story _Inhuman_ is my first priority. This story is going to be graphic and violent, as said in the summary, and it's done intentionally so, as I want to concentrate on the darker, twisted angle of this arch. I found this episode to be one of the more dramatic ones of the series, and I loved it. However, this story is going to focus more on Leo and Raph, because Leo managed to get out of most of the madness in the original episode, and we can't have that, right?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT or Nickelodeon. All rights go to their respective owners.

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**Speak No Evil:**

_**"But the tongue no man can tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." James 3:8**_

{Raph}

The images flash behind my eyes, harrowing and sharp. His fist coming down on my brother, smashing him into the rooftop. Me, running, screaming incoherently for this madness to stop, reaching out for Leo's limp form, bruised, bloody, and broken. But I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't strong enough. That monster took me out in a single blow to the head, and my world dropped into the darkness. And when I woke…

"He took Leo," I gasp, trembling beneath the throbbing ache in my bones.

The taste of blood is thick on my tongue, where my gums have been split under the blows of his fist, and my teeth are coated in the crimson that seeps from the damaged tissue. I grimace against the pain and spit a mouthful of blood-filled saliva off to the side, wiping my mouth and grunting at the sharp sting.

Donnie and Mikey watch me, their eyes filled with fear. Leo's gone—that…that _thing_ took him. And the chances of us getting him back in one piece are dwindling by the second.

"Raph…" Donnie starts, hoarse and spent, clutching his broken arm to his chest as he tries to keep the pain from showing on his face.

"What're we gonna do?" Mikey whimpers. One of his eyes is swollen shut and colored deep purple, and the skin has been sloughed off across his cheek and the side of his face, as well as his arms and legs where Spike—no, _Slash_—dragged him along the asphalt.

I'm breathing heavily, torn, aching, stiff and bloody. I can't stand the sight of my brothers wounded before me, because of me. I clench my jaw and snarl, averting my gaze to the blood-stained concrete.

"I'm going after him," I mutter.

Donnie's eyes widen and Mikey instinctively reaches out for me. "Raph, no—"

"He'll kill him if I don't," I snap. "And this is my fault… All of this…"

The sheer terror of it is enough to carve out my insides and leave me feeling empty and sick. I wince as the metallic tinge pools into my mouth again and drips out the corners of my lips. I wipe it away with the back of my hand, smearing the red across my face. I have to do this… For Leo, for my family. I can't lose anyone, not even if it means losing myself.

"Get back to the lair," I grunt, swallowing past a raw throat. "Splinter will care for you until I bring Leo back."

But Donnie's struggling to get up now, hissing as he accidently puts weight on his broken arm. The pain etched onto his face makes my stomach twist, and I have to look away from the two of them.

"Raph, please, you can't do this alone—"

"I _have_ to," I growl. "Now go, before he comes back. Get underground and wait for me."

There's a moment of silence. Tense and coiled, ready to snap and strike us all dead with the weight of what's before us now. But Mikey breaks it when he drags his body from the ground, whimpering at the pain it brings him. His good eye is brimming with tears that streak down his face and carry the muck and grime along his cheeks, and he stumbles towards me, clutching his arms around my shell and pressing his forehead against my chest.

"You better come home," he cries, his voice broken and wasted from his screams. "And he better be with you."

I look down at my little brother, my eyes raking over the claw marks going across the back of his shell, the blood oozing from his wounds, seeping over what has already dried and crusted. The bruises and welts littering his body have rendered him black and blue and red. It's almost unreal to see little Mikey like this. I've never seen him so scared, so exhausted and frightened that his eyes no longer shine. There's a word that hangs above the three of us. A word that drowns everything else out until it's just us and our wounds and the holes in our chests.

_Hopeless_.

Never before have we been reduced to this. Not even when Shredder took us out the first time. This is something different, something wicked and evil and twisted beyond all comprehension. His eyes are burning in my mind; that ferocity, that ruthless gaze was so black and dark and void. To think that I used to find comfort looking into those eyes, that I used to confide in that beast, that only this morning was he sitting in my lap eating from my hand—it all makes me sick. My world has melted all around me and become a mesh of darkness and shock and pain. And it's all my fault.

This is my nightmare. But it's one in which there's no such thing as waking up.

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**Let me know what you guys think! It's a new idea that I started writing last night, but I was too excited to wait for posting, so ta-da! I hope you enjoy it and stay tuned for future updates!**


	2. Chapter 2: Reality

**Author's Note:** Wow, this is getting a lot more attention than I expected! Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to review and share your thoughts, as well as those of you who have followed/favorited this! I was so excited at the response that I sat down all night and wrote this, so ta-da! I hope you find it as enjoyable as the last, if not more so.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT or Nickelodeon.

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**Chapter Two: Reality**

{Leo}

Pain. That's what wakes me. A slow, strong wave that washes over me and drags me back to the realm of the living. With my consciousness stirred, my muddled brain begins to scramble to pick up the pieces as an influx of pain signals are triggered by every inch of my body. A groan escapes me through clenched teeth. A pitiful sound that makes me cringe, but the dull, throbbing sensation beats across my skull and makes it impossible to hold anything back.

I take a breath. Slow and shallow, testing the limits of my lungs in this broken state of being. It hurts to inhale, to hold the air in the expanse of my chest, and I grimace against the discomfort. As I stumble further into consciousness, my mind begins to register the little things. It's dark. I'm in pain. I can't move. I can't feel the ground. My wrists feel funny. I must be in chains, tied up, restrained, held off the ground and back against a wall. To test this theory, I wriggle against the constraints clamped down on my wrists, and sure enough, my body sways in response, and my shell scrapes along the wall behind me. My muscles burn at the slightest movement and I immediately regret it as the sharp sting shoots down through my stretched limbs. I hiss, gritting my teeth and gently kicking my feet forward. No chains there. That explains the immense strain on my laterals. I grunt, swallowing down another wave of pain and blinking to clear my vision, as if I could force my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

As the numbness in my mind recedes, my emotions creep in, threatening rational thought. The fear is what comes first. It's a cold feeling that seeps through every inch of me, like water spilling over my shoulders and trailing down my body. My breath quickens and my heart skips in my chest as I try to fight the rising panic. Being afraid won't help me. It won't free me from these chains.

I close my eyes, nostrils flaring as I fight to take control of myself and focus. What do I remember? Where was I last?

For a second, nothing happens. It's as if my mind has drawn a blank and I'm blindly flailing through my thoughts in search of an answer, but then—

It all comes rushing back. The sound of his roar, the piercing black eyes, the weight of his fist as it crashed into me and sent me sprawling. The feeling of the rough concrete tearing at my skin as I tumbled, of his ragged claws slicing through my mask, drawing blood. Terror grips me like a vice and I gasp, my eyes snapping open, my fears now realized.

I remember leaping in-between Raph and some giant creature. I remember drawing my katanas to defend my bruised and wounded brother. I remember him screaming at me to get away, to run, to leave—but I didn't get a chance to ask why before that monster pounded me into the cement with a single blow. Everything after that is a blurry recollection of sharp pains and awful sounds that melted the world together in a messy heap of confusion and shock. And then nothing. Just the darkness.

I try swallowing again, but I'm finding it to be difficult, and it takes a few attempts before I can manage it. My throat feels tight and dry and raw, and my entire body is aching and stiff. I feel like someone just used me as a punching bag, and being strung up like this doesn't help.

I try to use my voice. The silence is so unnerving paired with the black, and I have to know if my brothers are somewhere in here with me. Though the fear of being alone is chilling, I desperately hope that they aren't here, and that they're home, where it's safe. I know Raph will protect them.

But I call for him anyway, unable to resist the curiosity, the gnawing tension. "Raph?" I start. My voice clips and I find myself being thrown into a fit of coughing as I struggle to wet my throat. I keep trying to swallow, but my mouth is so dry and it's like I'm choking on sawdust. My body shakes under the force of my convulsions and the small clinking of chains above me echoes in the darkness as I scramble for breath. A trail of sweat slides down the side of my face and my skin feels flushed and sticky despite the relative chill in the air.

It takes what seems to be an eternity, but I manage to calm myself at the expense of my aching lungs, and I lean my head back against the wall, gasping.

_Okay, focus,_ I chide. _Where are you?_

I blink and swallow again, my eyes narrowing in concentration. With my sight stolen by the darkness, I have to rely on my other senses. I inhale as deep as my lungs will allow and try to pin the scent. It smells like oil. It's a musty, thick scent that becomes stronger with every second I focus on it, and I shake my head, trying to relieve my senses of the abhorrent stench.

Okay, so oil. Big room, judging by how the chains echo when I shake them. Dark, unused—a warehouse, maybe? An abandoned factory? An underground room?

I growl in frustration. It doesn't matter where I am—I just have to figure a way out. I've got to get out of these stupid chains…

Despite my body's many protests, I start to jerk in all directions, tugging at the restraints. My wrists sting and pain ignites along the tender skin where the shackles are biting, and my shoulders are threatening to be pulled out of place. I have to stop myself a few seconds in; it's just too much. My body sways and I gasp for breath, sucking in the permeated air and trembling under the fresh waves of torment coursing through me.

This is pointless. I don't have the strength to do anything but hurt myself further. My jaw clenches and a low growl creeps up the back of my throat. But I can't stop trying…I have to figure something out…

"I've gotta say, it's certainly entertaining to see you like this."

That voice makes my blood freeze over. Everything in me stops and my breath catches in my throat. It's a gruff sound, gravelly, like he's been gargling metal scraps and nails. But it's familiar in the sense that it terrifies me, and my mind quickly pulls up the images of the beast from earlier and connects the dots.

"The little hero, all tied up with nowhere to run."

The voice echoes, bouncing off the walls and ringing in my ears. My heart starts to pound a little faster and I find it harder to breathe. Where is he? _What_ is he? And why does he seem to have such an interest in me?

"Who are you?" I croak, mentally cursing the weakness in my voice.

He laughs at my question, like it's the stupidest thing he's ever heard. Out of sheer terror, I start to struggle in my restraints. I hate that I can't see him, that I'm blind to everything around me, that I'm at the mercy of someone else, some_thing_ else.

"Well, I suppose you weren't there," he says in a tone that'd almost be giddy if his voice weren't so rough. My heart stumbles and catches when whatever he is steps close enough for the smell of his breath to plume across my face. I tense up, my breath hitching, my fists curling around my chains as if I could somehow defend myself.

"Then again, you were _never _there."

It takes me a moment to gather myself. The fear is so strong, so rigid and cold and breath-taking that I can hardly stand it. I want to break into pieces and fall apart. But I can't, and I know I can't. I have to be strong…

"Where are my brothers?" I growl, involuntarily jerking at my restraints in a frustration I can't control.

The creature scoffs. "With any luck, dead. But I didn't get the chance to really do it to 'em… I kept getting _interrupted_." He practically snarls the word, and the sick, hot stench of his breath rolls over my face. I try to turn to the side and breathe through my mouth, but it does little to help.

_What? Dead?_

The terror is like icy fingers reaching up behind me and slowly settling around my throat. No, no, they couldn't be. They're smart, they're strong. They could stand up to this freak, no problem, and Raph would've been there to lead them, just like he always does when I don't come through.

But my reassuring thoughts are too few and far between, and the fear remains, rolling over any conflicting emotion and swallowing it whole. I must be shaking or something, because he laughs.

"You don't have to wet yourself yet, Fearless," he says. The nickname is like a shockwave going through me. A bullet smashing through my chest. Only Raph ever calls me by that name.

But the creature continues on, disrupting my frightened train of thought.

"Raphie-boy's probably on his way to come save you like the good little soldier he is. But I'll show him. I'll set his mind straight about you once and for all…"

He grabs my face and I gasp. A large hand, rough like scales, peeling at my skin as his fingers tighten. My vision is starting to adjust, but it's slow-going, and all I can make out is the outstretched arm connected to the hand that's crushing my face. The size and bulk of the visible limb is enough to make me swallow in hesitation and uncertainty. He's got to be a mutant, and he knows us, but I've never heard his voice before, and I don't think I've seen anything like him yet. I grunt against the clouded, bewildered thoughts. My brain feels like it's going to explode beneath the pressure of both my mental activity—or lack thereof—and the giant hand gripping my head.

"I'll show him that you're nothing. He doesn't need you—he never has! He just has to see that I'm right, and then he'll understand…"

I groan against the pressure he's exerting across my skull, and I start to kick and thrash weakly in a pitiful attempt to break free.

"What are you?" I hiss, forcing the words past clenched teeth with a particular emphasis on the '_what_'. But he merely releases me from his grip and clicks his tongue in a disapproving manner.

"Now, that was a bit rude, wasn't it?" he scolds. "Besides, talking's not something I wanna hear from you right now."

And then his fist comes crashing across my vision. My head snaps to the side under the force, smacking into the wall behind me. I cry out in pain as a sickening warmth seeps through my skull and down my neck. He laughs. "That's better."

I'm huffing for breath and struggling to regain my composure. Little black dots dance across my vision and my stomach twists into a knot as I begin to fully understand my situation. The shackles nip and tear at the skin around my wrists and I become aware of the thin trail of blood sliding down my forearm. I have to get out of here. He's going to kill me—

"He's taking longer than I thought he would," the beast muses. Then he chuckles. "Heh, maybe he saw his chance to write you off once and for all and take over the team. He's been talking about that for a while…"

I cough on the tightness in my throat, grimacing. "What're you…talking about?"

He laughs an awful, guttural hissing sort of laugh. "Ah, you're just as thick as he said," he jeers. "You really have no idea what your brother thinks of you, do you?"

I swallow hard, forcing another breath past my nostrils and clenching my jaw in some form of defiance. He's trying to get to me, to crawl under my skin. But I won't listen to anything this freak says. I refuse to. He doesn't know me, and he sure as hell doesn't know my brothers. I don't know where he's getting his words from, but as far as I'm concerned, they mean nothing.

"But I do," he whispers. "I had to listen to it every night. Him complaining about you, mouthing off in his room where no one could hear. Hah, he's quite creative with his words."

He leans in close, and this time, my eyes can catch the faint details of his face. Deep, gray blue scales. Black eyes rimmed by a washed out, pale green. Prominent snout, spikes jutting from his skull and his nose. A jagged, pointed beak and large nostrils. Wait…

He's a turtle. A huge, scary mutant turtle. But the identity of my captor just poses more questions, and my head starts to throb again. Where the heck did he come from? Why does he know so much about Raph?

And then I stop. My eyes widen as the realization slowly dons on me, impossible, and yet, the only sensible conclusion.

"S-Spike?" I croak. He takes a step back in surprise before breaking into a fit of deep, bellowing laughter.

"So! You're not a complete idiot after all, huh?" He swings that terrifyingly large hand my way and shoves me into the wall. The chains creak, pulling on my wrists and tearing at the raw flesh. More blood gently seeps down from the agitated skin. I hiss through gritted teeth, and Spike sneers in delight at my expression of pain.

"And it's Slash now. The whole 'pet name' thing wasn't workin' for me." The stink of his breath hits me again and I press my tongue up against the back of my throat to block the smell.

He watches me intently, those dark eyes piercing through me, boring into my own. I wince under the intensity of his gaze and squirm against my restraints that clink softly overhead.

"While we're waiting," he growls lowly, "we should have some fun. Sound good to you?" The pressure of his hand pushing into my chest forces out a pathetic whine, and he laughs. "Yeah, 'course it does." He reaches up above me and snatches the chains, lifting them off the hook that extends down from the ceiling with a single arm. My own body is raised with it, and the pull on my shoulders only gets worse. I bite back the pain, clamping my mouth shut as I try to relax all of my muscles.

He lifts me up a little higher, like he's relishing the sight of me strung up and dangling from his grip, before he throws me to the side. I tumble, smacking into the ground with enough force to knock the wind from my lungs and send a wave of pain vibrating through my bones. I gasp out, my body instantly curling in on itself to relieve the aching stiffness from hanging in place for so long. The links of the chain clank against one another, still bound to my wrists, still rubbing into my flesh. My hands are numb and my forearms are smeared with my blood, sticky and hot. I swallow at the sight of it and avert my gaze, trying to focus, to move, to get up, to do _something_—

But that thing is towering over my crumpled form before I can muster any strength. My heart skips, the fear slowly suffocating me, drowning me under the frozen waves.

No, no—I have to be strong. I'm the leader. I have to get through this…

"I was gonna wait till good ol' Raphael was here to do the talking for me," he rumbles, "but he's takin' his sweet time, so I guess I'll just have to get started without him."

I don't even have time to register what that might mean before he's driving his foot into my stomach. I choke on the blow and my body rolls across the rough ground, shell scraping, skin peeling. I hit a wall with a grunt before my momentum can die out on its own, and I drop my head back, wincing at the deep pain churning in my gut.

But his fist is coming down on me not a second later, smashing into my shoulder. Something cracks in my torso and my mouth stretches in a silent scream as a torrent of agony, sharp and unforgiving, rips through me.

He laughs. "Oh, I heard that one."

A series of incoherent sounds dribble from my mouth as I curl in on myself, clutching my wounded shoulder. The agony pulsates across my being, each wave more potent than the last. I struggle to remember to breathe and choke on the horrid sensation.

"Raphael was right," he spits, glaring down at me as if I disgust him. "You're weak. All of you are. You don't have what it takes to be a leader, a warrior—" He nails my side with another vicious punch, this time taking out a few ribs. I scream, thrashing blindly for some solid ground, some sort of relief beyond the searing pain, but he reaches down and holds me against the pavement, pushing down on the broken bones in my chest. A furious sting shoots across my nose and my eyes are rimmed with the threat of tears.

"You're pathetic. You're even worse than the brainiac and the idiot. At least _they_ know their _place_—" He pushes down even harder, cracking another set. The pain flares across my chest; searing, white hot pain. My vision fades for a moment, and my cry is reduced to a strangled gasp as I suffocate on the fire blazing through me.

_Be strong, be strong, be strong—_

"I listened to everything you put him through over the years," he seethes, rising to his feet just to kick me again and send me sprawling on my stomach. I sputter, blinking hard to clear my vision, but he plants his foot firmly on the back of my shell and presses down, relentless. My chest ignites and I cry out in agony, clawing at the ground desperately, aimlessly, scraping the skin from my fingers. Blood smearing, sticking, seeping. It's a wonder how there's so much red inside of anything.

"Every time you humiliated him, insulted him, ignored him, pushed him away—" Another kick. Another punch. One after the other, broken in number only by his words, as if to emphasize his point. "—I was there to listen. And where were you? His so-called brother? It was your fault—it was _always your fault_!"

_Whack!_

My head is spinning. Reeling. Thoughts tumbling, useless, broken, scattered—

"You were always making him feel weak—"

_Whack!_

_"_Always bringing him down—"

_Whack!_

"Making him feel like some sort of outcast, like some sort of burden!"

Blood. Pain. Heat—so much heat. I feel sick.

"Like you, _you_, of all people, were better than him!"

_CRACK!_

A dizzy rush of blood. Darkness moves in and out, fading, distant. I can't…I can't—

He grabs me by the back of my shell, hoisting me up against him, close enough to smell his putrid breath and taste the acid of his words.

"You always made him so mad," he snarls. "He hates you." He shakes my battered form, as if to get a response. "Did you hear that?" he presses, louder. "He _hates _you!"

He shoves me forward, back into the ground, leaning on my shell and crushing my bones beneath his mass. A weak, strangled groan escapes my split lips. A string of bloodied saliva dribbles down my chin. My entire body is buzzing with a sickening warmth as the throbbing comes and goes.

The clinking of my chain sounds like it's from some other world, far away and detached from my present state of being. But my body is dragged up from the concrete as Slash takes hold of my restraints and lifts me off the ground. Our eyes meet. Dark, soulless anger. So much of it, it's like a void, sucking all my strength, draining me. My vision becomes spotty and doubled. I feel like I'm going to vomit, like I'm going to burn, to melt, to crumble and waste away beneath the drumming throes wreaking havoc inside of me.

"Don't go dying on me yet," he spits. "I want Raph to see you like this first. And who knows?" He leans in close again, sneering as he slams me up against the wall and wraps my chain along the hook. "Maybe he'll even join in. Beat you to a bloody pulp, just like he's always wanted to do. Heh, I'd sure love to see that…"

My body sways as I'm hung by the wrists once again. My broken ribs screaming bloody murder, my insides bruised and twisted. The pull of the chain is a hundred times worse than before, like all my muscles are being stretched like rubber bands, waiting to snap. I groan, panting in my anguish, unable to comprehend anything beyond the torture.

He scoffs. "Didn't take long, did it? A few punches and you're out for the count. _Tch_. What a waste."

He steps away, watching me for another unbearably long moment before turning his back to me and walking into the darkness. Somehow, some impossible way, I manage to find my voice beneath the cries for pain and mercy swimming around in my head and banging on the walls of my skull.

"Y-You're…wrong," I heave. Blood fills my mouth and trails down the corners of my lips, dripping off my chin. My breaths are ragged pulls, frantic, useless. My lungs won't distend. I shift awkwardly in my chains, sloughing off more skin, and more blood rises to soak the raw flesh. He stops and turns back to me, his eyes searching my limp and broken form.

"H-he's…m-my brother," I pant, making sure to hold Slash's gaze as defiantly as I can, hoping that through my blurred and bloodied eyes, he can see the fire. That he can see I don't believe a single thing he's said. "And h-he's coming…t-to help me."

Slash pauses before a wide and crooked grin cracks through his features, and he laughs vehemently.

"Oh, he'll be here alright," he taunts. His eyes flash in the darkness as he moves to turn away from me again, to be swallowed up by the black. His last words echo behind him as he leaves me there alone.

"But it ain't gonna be to help you."


	3. Chapter 3: Madness

**Author's Note:** Bam! Third chapter, all nice and angsty for you! And goodness gracious, this is getting so much attention! Thank you SO MUCH, all of you who have reviewed, favorited, and followed this story! I hope you continue to enjoy it and all of its dark grittiness, because I sure am having a blast writing it!

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own TMNT or Nickelodeon. And I'm still upset about it.

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**Chapter Three: Madness**

{Raph}

I run across the rooftops, my breath hitching, catching, sticking. The blood roars in my ears as my heart drums into my ribcage. There's so much fear, so much adrenaline, all of it pounding into me, driving me forward. I have to find him. I have to save him. I have to undo what I've done, to fix the mess I've made.

I follow the trail of blood. Splatters here and there, little dots, dripping, staining the concrete dark brown as it dries. It isn't hard to pick out, and with a sickening realization, I see that he's done this on purpose. He wants me to follow, to come after him, to see what he's done to my family. To watch as he rips my world out from under me.

And so I stumble forth, bent by my refusal to give in. One foot in front of the other, step after step. My body aches and groans, but I don't listen. I keep my thoughts on my brother and I run to him. With everything that I have left, I run to him.

_I'm coming, Leo. Just hang in there. Please._

I throw myself from one roof to the other, landing roughly, scraping my knees as I struggle to keep on my feet. The shock of hitting the ground shoots up my ankles, but I ignore it and keep moving. The trail's changing direction. The blood spats are becoming larger, but fewer. I swallow down the icy lump of fear and stagger along the pathway left for me, my stomach twisting into a thousand knots.

I leap from the ledge and onto a fire escape, my eyes scouring the streets below in search of the remaining trail. It takes a moment, but I find it, and slide down the steps to reach the ground. I move as fast as my broken body will allow me and trace the splatters of crimson across the alleyway and through another street, until finally, I find it. An old building, neglected and worn, tucked away from the rest of the city. The windows are boarded up with large scraps of wood and the outer walls are painted with graffiti. Trash litters the empty street, crinkling softly as the night breeze sweeps it further down the road.

I swallow, breathing hard and trembling. The blood leads around back and I walk alongside it until I reach the back door. The lock has been broken—in fact, the entire handle has been demolished, like he just crushed it with his fist. I'm staring blankly at the door when something catches in my peripheral, and I look up. My heart stops.

There, hanging from a few bent and rusty nails, are three masks drifting gently in the breeze, torn and stained with blood and grime. One orange, one purple, and one blue. It takes me a moment to remember to breathe, and when I do, the horrible ache in my chest has intensified and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I have to remind myself that Donnie and Mikey are safe, home, resting, no doubt nursing their many wounds. Leo's the one I've got to worry about.

My eyes hold the blue cloth as it sways, crusted with dried blood. The unmistakable tears of Slash's claws have reduced my brother's symbol to a shredded, thread-bare piece of material. The fear closes up my throat and I fight the sting running through my eyes.

No. This isn't over. I'm going to get him back. That monster is going to pay for what he's done...

I force myself to take a step towards the door. Force myself to reach out and grab the handle, to pull, to open up the darkness and step into it, alone, bleeding, and terrified.

The draft wrenches the door shut behind me with a loud slamming sound, and I flinch, tensing and burying my head in my hands defensively. When the silence creeps over me once more, I let out a shaky breath and let my eyes dart around the black.

I know they're both in here. Somewhere. My heart stutters and beats clumsily against my chest as I move further into the darkness. I keep my hands outstretched, feeling around for anything that might be obstructing my path. But there's nothing. I'm shaking with every step, slow, frantic, my senses heightened to an unbearable level. It feels like I'm fumbling around in the dark for an eternity before a loud clanging sound erupts from somewhere in the room. I jump, snatching my sais in an attempt to brace myself, but the noise is consumed by the silence once more.

"Come on," I hiss to myself, frustrated and scared far beyond my liking. "Focus, Raph…"

The sound was loud, but displaced. Somehow distant, but here. I clench my jaw and try to think past the dusty haze of my brain, and then I have an idea.

Some of these old buildings have basements. Underground rooms for storage or manufacturing. That explains why the sound seemed to come from somewhere else. I just have to find the stairs—

Another sound breaks the quiet. Clinking, rattling, like chains. A strangled grunt follows after, and my heart skips.

_ Leo!_

I move fast. I still can't see, but it no longer matters. I push blindly through the darkness, following the small noises, when the ground gives way beneath me and I slip—

My hand snatches the railing for the stairs. I huff out a breath, steadying myself and planting my feet firmly on the first step. Another string of noises drifts up from the room below. Short, quick breaths. A light growl. I recognize it all as Leo's and move down the steps with a new resolve, gripping my weapons tight in one hand and the railing in the other. My foot touches the floor beneath the final step and my heart flutters in my chest.

"Leo?" I whisper cautiously. "Leo, is that you?"

There's a horrid moment of silence when he doesn't answer, where the fear wraps itself around my throat, and squeezes tight—

"…R-Raph?"

A laughter of relief breaks from me, and I stumble forth.

"Leo!" I gasp. "Hang on, I'll find you—just keep talking. I can't see a thing."

"Heh," he chuckles weakly. "I k-knew you'd come for me…"

My eyes are beginning to adjust, and are now brimming with tears I don't care to control. He's safe, he's okay, he's alive…

"Yeah, well, someone has to be there to save your sorry butt," I tease. His responding laugh is hoarse and broken up by a fit of coughing and wheezing. The worry pangs through my gut and I follow the pained sounds to his shadowy form, cloaked in the darkness of the room.

I reach out to touch him when my foot steps in something wet and sticky. I can't see much of anything, but the thick metallic stench that permeates air leaves little room for skepticism.

Blood. His blood. All over the floor, soaking my wrappings, dripping from him. I look up, and my shifting eyes are able to make out the chain stringing him up from the floor to the ceiling, and my stomach recoils.

"…Leo?" I whimper.

He coughs. "Y-Yeah?"

I clear my throat, shoving down the nauseating terror that's drained the warmth from my blood. "N-nothing, never mind… I'll get you down from there, just a second…"

But I quickly realize I have no way of cutting him loose. His restraints are held too high for me to try and break, and it's too dark for me to see anything I could stack in order to reach. A growl of frustration pushes up my throat and I curse under my breath.

"Are…are the others…okay?" he gasps. His voice rattles, and there's a wet sound in the back of his throat.

I swallow hard. "Yeah…they're okay. I sent them home so I could come find you." I turn around, scouring the darkness for something to use to reach him, but I still can't see two feet in front of me, and his chain is all the way up to the ceiling.

"G-good," he rasps. He starts to cough again, and I cringe at the sticky popping laced between the pulls of breath.

I try jumping for the restraints, but my legs are weak, and I keep missing. It only takes a minute for me to be huffing and puffing, worn and spent, and I snarl in frustration. I can't be this helpless. He's right in front of me!

"Y-you should've…b-brought Donnie…" he pants, sharp and shallow. "He w-would've been…tall enough…"

I stop and glare up at the faint outline of his face, and though I can't see a single thing, I know he's smirking at me. "Okay," I growl. "You did _not_ just make a short joke."

He gives a weak and decrepit laugh, and if he weren't so hurt right now, I'd slug him. But the fact that he's trying to make light of a situation as gruesome and awful as this puts a sad smile on my face.

"Psh," I say, trying to hide the pain from my voice. "You're such a dork, you know that?"

He laughs a little harder. "Y-yeah…I know." But then he tumbles into another coughing fit, this one worse than the last, and all the broken-hearted humor vanishes. The smile falls from my face and I get back to trying to find a way to free him.

"You gotta shut up now," I grumble. "You're talking too much."

He continues to cough and choke, and the sound of liquid plopping to the concrete below him sends a nauseating shiver down my spine. He spits whatever it is out—blood, saliva, probably both. My brow furrows and my hands are shaking slightly. Frustrated and thrown into anxiety by Leo's hacking, I resort to jumping again, ignoring the flares of pain shooting down my legs as I attempt to snatch the restraints. But that despicable helpless feeling just continues to expand and fill every inch of me, until I feel like I'm being suffocated by it.

"Come on!" I hiss angrily. "Argh, I can't—"

"Can't reach, Raph?"

My blood freezes in my veins. A porous whine escapes Leo, and I can feel his body tense beside me.

"_You_," I spit, facing the direction of his voice. He merely laughs.

"You can drop the act now, Raphael. No one else is here."

And then a light flickers on. Dim, washed out yellow, pushing back the darkness with a feeble haze. Leo winces beside me, inhaling sharply. I blink at the shift in the atmosphere and my eyes burn at the adjustment.

He's standing a few yards in front of me, leaning against the wall with a jagged smirk on his face. His eyes are piercing and vile as ever, and the sight of his hulking form only reminds me of how crippled I am. I swallow and refrain from taking a step back.

Slash chuckles and gestures towards Leo. "He looks nice like that, doesn't he? I think red really suits him."

I don't want to look. I really, really don't. But despite all my protests, my eyes inadvertently follow Slash's gaze to look up at my brother's hanging form, and it's no longer a mystery as to where all the blood came from.

The sight of him rips through me, twisting my insides. My breath is stuck in my lungs and all of my thoughts come crashing to a halt.

His arms are pulled over his head by the shackles that have peeled the skin from his wrists. Blood oozes down his forearms, dripping down to his strained shoulders and into the crook of his plastron. The flesh has been stripped from his fingers and palms, as well as his toes. His wrappings are no longer off-white, but crimson and brown where the blood has soaked and dried. His face is bruised and bloodied, his lip split, red staining his jaw and throat, spattered along his plastron where he coughed up the fluid. Bruises and welts, black and purple, litter his quivering frame, and the awkward slump of his chest makes me wonder what else has been broken.

Red, red, red. Dripping, sticky, glistening in the dim light, crusting over as it dries. My heart has stopped and all my blood has run cold. My eyes dare to meet the pale blue ones above me, dare to hold his withered gaze, his fractured state. He looks ashamed, like he didn't want me to see him like this.

I can barely get the name out, and when I do, it's raspy and arid. "Leo?"

He tries to swallow, but I can tell it's hard for him. He locks onto my gaze and offers a pained smile.

"D-don't worry about me," he breathes. "I'm f-fine."

I want to argue with him, to tell him he's an idiot and cut him free and pull him into my chest and apologize with every breath I have left, but the voice behind me reminds me that we're not alone.

"You shoulda heard him squealin' earlier," Slash chuckles. "You were right about him, Raph. He acts tough, but there ain't much there. Didn't even put up a fight."

His words ignite a mass of rage in my gut. I grip my sais until my knuckles turn white, and I step around to face him.

"You shut up," I snap, marching towards him, trembling from something between anger and sheer terror. A faint look of surprise flashes across his dark gaze, and he tilts his head. I stop when I've reached an equal distance from both Leo and Slash and stand in the center of the room, my stance defensive, defiant. I jab my sai in the direction of Leo's shackles, mustering every threatening ounce left within me. "Cut him down. _Now!_"

He watches me in silence before breaking into a rumbling laughter. "Come on, Raphael. You know you want this. I can see the rage in your eyes. Just give in to it." He steps closer, his eyes glinting. "He doesn't control you anymore. You're free, Raph."

His words are making me sick. Free? How is this free?

"No," I choke. "I don't want this."

"Of course you do!" he presses. "You only talked about it every single day since you found me."

My hands are shaking, sweaty, gripping my sais with trepidation and uncertainty. I stand between my brother and my best friend, feeling torn and weak.

"Don't you remember all those nights where you locked yourself away in your room? Remember all those times when your so-called brothers hurt you, when they teased you, when they couldn't understand you?"

And I do. I do remember. I remember slamming the door shut and going on and on about how much I hated my brothers-about how much I hated Leo. How they never understood me, how they never appreciated me, how they only ever looked down on me. All of their smart comments, jabbing at the fractures of my inner walls. At the time, the anger was strong enough to drown out my senses, and every word I spat felt right. But they weren't.

"You were so angry, so hurt-and all I could do was listen and watch. But now..." He glances at Leo's beaten form. "Now I can give them what they deserve."

My throat closes up and my fists clench. No, this isn't what I wanted. I never meant for those things to leave the confines of my room. They were only words!

"Please, Spike," I whisper, truly desperate. "Don't do this. I don't want this."

"I can save you!" he snaps. "I can do what you're too afraid to do! You need this, Raphael! They're only holding you back. And he's the worst of all of them." He glares at Leo, disgusted. "It's not like he ever cared about you anyway. Everything was always his fault."

I swallow hard, unable to look my brother in the eye. I don't know if it's because I can't stand seeing his bloodied state or if the shame is simply too much to bear. Maybe both. I never meant for those words to be heard by anyone ever, and now, it's all going to come out. And I'll have nowhere to run.

"Please," I try again, my voice wavering past the lump in my throat. "Please, just stop this. Just let him go-"

"No!" he snaps, vicious. "You should've been the leader, not him! He's a burden, Raphael, and as long as he's alive, you're not going to be able to move forward. Your little sewer family is weighing you down. You don't need them. And once they're gone, we can team up and run this city the way we want to. No more games, no more foolin' around. Just you and me, wiping the scum from the face of this city."

"No," I say weakly. "This isn't what I want, Spike-"

"Stop calling me that!" he snarls. "It's Slash now. I'm not your little pet anymore. We're equals...and I'm gonna do what you're too weak to do."

He goes for Leo then. Moves past me like a train, knocking me to the ground with the heavy swing of his arm, and snatches the metal chain from the hook screwed into the ceiling. A pathetic sound pushes up my throat when he hauls Leo's body up off the ground. Leo's face contorts in agony and he cries out from his injuries as sways and dangles from the restraints. His shoulders are pulled up, the shackles biting into his raw flesh, drawing more blood. He kicks weakly as Slash holds him up beside him, like bait on a hook.

"You'll see, Raph," Slash growls. "Once he's out of the way, you'll understand." He wrenches the chain from both shackles, jerking Leo's arms back and drawing a cry of pain from my brother's bloodied mouth. The chain snaps and Leo's body drops to the ground in a heap. He groans, curling in on himself, clutching his sides in pain.

"Leo!" I shout, dragging myself to my feet and reaching out my hand.

He looks at me with one eye as he winces and holds his injured chest. "R-Raph-"

Slash gives him a brutal kick to the side and something crunches, like bones grinding over one another. Leo yelps and doubles over with a pained, wheezing gasp, and I shout, moving towards him-

But Slash stands over his body, his eyes locked onto mine, dark, deep, piercing.

"I'll give you one last chance, Raphael," he says lowly. "Either take him out yourself, or watch me do it for you."

My breathing is rapid and shallow. My mind is racing, thoughts tripping, breaking, crumbling. I can't do this. I have to fight, to keep Leo safe for as long as I can. But I'm already so weak...

The hopelessness is maddening and a sharp growl escapes me as the situation is turned over and over in my mind. There's no way out but to fight, and even that will get me nowhere but six feet under. Either way, someone is dead.

I step forward, trembling under the weight of it all. I can't do this, I can't do this-

"No," I whimper. "I can't... I won't let you hurt him!"

Slash tilts his head, a disappointed expression pulling at his face. He sighs.

"That's not what I was hoping to hear, Raph," he mutters. "But you've always been stubborn. Always needed a little push in the right direction..." He grips the chain in one hand and grabs Leo by the back of his shell, hauling him up against his plastron. He keeps his eyes on mine as he loops the chain around Leo's neck once, twice, and pulls upwards. Leo's body hitches instantly and a small gasp is forced from him.

I lurch forth. "No!"

But Slash merely tugs harder on the chain, choking Leo. His hands claw at the metal links digging into his throat as he sputters, desperate, smearing blood as he twists sporadically.

"You had your chance, Raph," Slash bites. "But I see now you don't have it in you do get your hands dirty. Not with _them _holding you back." He jerks on the chain for emphasis, further crushing Leo's windpipe.

"Stop it!" I shriek, desperate and quivering. I make to run for him, but Slash lifts Leo's body against him, further off the ground, forcing the chain to grind deeper into the reddening flesh.

"I can drag this out," he threatens. I see something gleam in his other hand. A blade, jagged, rusty. He holds it against the sensitive flesh that dips down beneath the front of Leo's shell. "Come any closer, and I'll gut him."

I stop, just a few yards away, my fingers clenching around the hilts of my weapons anxiously. The metal shines in the dim light and my stomach drops further.

"It won't take long, Raphael. You'll feel better after this, I promise." He yanks the chain tighter around Leo's neck, and Leo's body convulses. A horrid, oxygen-deprived blue color begins to wash over his face, and he's kicking and thrashing wildly against Slash. The sound of him gagging as he frantically tries to pull in a breath makes my insides clench and my heart race.

"No!" I scream. I inch forward, unable to keep still, but unable to run to my brother. The neurons firing signals throughout my body are torn between commands to run or fight, between the searing thoughts of anger and desperation and the aching in my body. "Stop it! Let him go, please!"

"It's too late for that, Raphael," Slash rumbles. "Trust me, this is the only way to free you…" He jerks at the chain and Leo sputters, gargling, blood slipping down from the lips stretched over his clenched teeth. His movements become more erratic and sharp. My heart surges and a scream rips up my throat.

"STOP IT!"

But Slash only sneers and slides link over link, closing the diameter of the metal strung around my brother's most vital area. My cries for mercy are ignored; my pleas, torn and ragged, echo aimlessly throughout the underground room, bouncing back, mocking me. If I move, he dies. If I stay, he dies. There's nothing I can do, no way to save him, no way to stop this madness-

I want to just die right there. To collapse in on myself and let the world fold over me, crush me, suffocate me, drown me in all of my pain. I want everything else to disappear and be gone. But my feverish thoughts have nowhere to go and do nothing to spare me, because I'm still here. I can't run, I can't hide. All I can do is stand here, helpless, as my brother is taken from me.

I scream something else. Something incoherent, nonsense, just the despairing, frantic cries of someone who has everything to lose. But Slash cares not for my protests, and I watch in horror as Leo's body gives a final twitch before going completely limp. Slash lets his body drop to the ground with a dull thud, and his eyes bore into mine, dark, empty, cruel. Satisfied.

My heart has stopped. My lungs are empty. My mind has been reduced to a pile of mush as I stare down at my brother's crumpled form. And in that moment of terror and shock, I realize that he's not moving...

And he's not breathing.

* * *

**A/N: Oh man, those cliffhangers! *evil face* Guess you'll all just have to wait until the next update! Sorrynotsorry! ^_^**


	4. Chapter 4: Decision

**Author's Note:** I wrote this with a cat on my lap and a big bowl of Lucky Charms by the computer. I hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own it. Try again next update.

* * *

**Chapter Four: Decision**

{Raph}

"Leo?" I gasp. My eyes are locked onto his stiff form, and I feel the gaping hole widening in my chest. When he doesn't respond, I scream. "Leo!"

"You should've just done it yourself," Slash mutters, watching me. "And if you really cared, you would've."

My mouth is left open, my gaze on his bloodied, broken frame. My veins have iced over and I can't feel anything.

Slash lets out a sigh and lets go of the chains.

"Maybe I should've dragged it out," he says idly, glaring down at Leo's body with a bored expression. "We could've had some real fun with him… Oh well." His eyes snap back up to mine, and he grins. "Guess it doesn't matter now, does it, Raph?"

I lose it then. My thoughts, my sense—all of it, swept away at the sight of my brother's lifeless body. There's only one thing left. And when I look back up into Slash's wicked gaze, I give into it, and it consumes me like fire.

I'm running at him before I even think to move. Running, screaming at the top of my lungs, my weapons poised to strike. I don't give the pain in my body a chance to speak—I override every protest, every neural order with my own searing animosity, and I attack.

"AH!" I throw myself into the air, swinging my arms and twisting my body into a spinning kick. My foot knocks one of his arms aside, breaking his block, but he moves fast enough to shield his face and deflect the stabbing blow of my pronged blades.

"What're you doing, Raph?" he snarls, fending off another swing of my sai. It clangs against the metal of his small dagger, and he shoves me back. I hit the ground on my feet, teeth bared, body shaking.

"There's nothing holding us back now," Slash presses, circling me defensively. "We're free!"

But every word is like a knife to my gut. I'm shaking so bad now, I can't even begin to control it. I don't know if I want to scream or cry or just let my grief swallow me whole. I don't know, so I do the only thing I can think to do is let my rage consume my pain.

I go for him again, burning with resolve, with the anger, with the shock and terror and sheer denial. I don't know what I'm doing, but I don't give myself time to think about it, and I lash out at him like a starved, rabid animal.

Again the clang of metal. Again the block. But this time, his fist swings out in a wide arch and catches me by the stomach, throwing me back to the ground in a rolling heap. A guttural snarl rips up my throat and I flash my teeth at him, eyes narrowed, heart pounding, mind racing and burning beneath the unbelievable amount of raw anger coursing through my veins like liquid fire. I'm on my feet in an instant, ignoring the stings and aches spouting from my injuries. It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore.

I charge him again, blinded by the ferocity boiling inside of me. This is all I have left. Once the anger burns out, I'll be left with nothing, and I'll die.

_Leo, I'm so sorry—_

I leap, surging, crying out, carried only by the heat inside of me, and I attack—stabbing, kicking, punching—

_I'm so sorry—_

I'm boiling over, turning to ash, crumbling, gone—I'm just _gone—_

_ Leo—_

Another cry tears up my damaged throat, sharp, pitiful, just absolutely pitiful, like the shriek of a dying animal. My body's convulsing underneath the weight of it all, and my mind has ceased to function. It's all I can do to focus my energy towards Slash, the only thing I can blame, the only thing I can destroy, the only thing I can direct all of my sins and rage and shame and hate towards—

But I know it's my fault. All of this. And part of me is hoping that Slash will stick that gleaming dagger in my gut and rip me open.

He knocks me back again, this time with more force. His patience is wearing thin as he tries to fend off my frenzied state of being.

"Raphael," he snaps. "I don't want to fight you—"

"Shut up!" I shout, dragging myself to my feet. "This is your fault! All of this!"

His eyes widen at my accusations, and I run at him again, slicing through the air with another aerial kick as I swing my sai around. I manage to stick him in the shoulder and he bellows at me, though it's more out of rage than pain. He throws me off of him with a roar and curls his fists, his eyes narrowing at the sight of his blood running down his arm.

"Don't do this, Raph," he warns lowly. "I'm not the enemy here."

And I know deep down that he's right, and a million memories begin to flash behind my eyes. The words echo, ringing inside my skull. All the times I slammed the door behind me and let the venom seep from my tongue; I let it drip and spill and poison everything around me. And he was there to hear all of it. Every careless word, spoken out of impulsive spite, momentary anger, temporary rage. I meant none of it, but he doesn't know that. It's all he's ever heard. It's all that he knows. My hatred, my anger; the boiling, festering emotions I let bubble over and pool across the room. I drowned him in my own vexation.

I'm the monster. I'm the one who attacked my family.

And I'm the reason Leo's dead.

The realization wrenches through me and I choke on the sob pushing its way through my chest. It's me, it's me, it's all my fault—

I killed him. I did this. I made Spike into this monster and I drove him to rage and violence, because that's all I have in me, that's all I'm capable of, all I've ever acted on. I'm the worst out of all of my brothers, and I've known it all along, but I tried so hard to bury it beneath my anger that I ended up convincing myself of my own lies. They're better than me; they always have been. And Leo was the best of us all.

My gaze flickers to his crumpled form at the thought of him, and the torrent of emotions takes me once more, swallowing my entire being and dragging me down into the depths. I wish it would kill me. I wish I would choke and drown on my sins. Then at least I could die next to my brother.

"Raph," Slash starts, cautiously inching towards me. I can sense his hesitation, his bewilderment. He didn't expect this, and he doesn't know how to handle my fragile emotional state. He thought killing Leo was the answer—but he's only driven me off the edge.

"We can be a team now," he says enticingly, as if that could lift the weight of losing my brother from my shoulders. "Nothing's in our way anymore."

He gets closer, still tensed, ready to defend himself against anything I might do. But I can't move anymore. I'm staring at the blood-stained ground, hardly able to breathe past the heaviness in my chest. Empty. Numb. Broken.

And the words come out before I can stop them.

"Kill me."

He stops, his eyes widening.

"Come on," I say, sharper. "Just do it." And when he doesn't respond, the anger rears, heating my voice. "That's what you want, isn't it?"

He watches me carefully. "No."

"Well why not?" I snap. "You've already taken everything else away from me! Why not my life?"

He steps back, hurt. "Raph—"

"Do it, Spike!" I shout. "Finish what you started!"

"Knock it off, Raph," he growls. "I did this for you! They were only holding you back—you said yourself how much you hated them—"

"_You're the one I hate!_" I scream.

Everything stops then. Something flickers in his eyes as he stares at me, like he's waiting for me to take it back. But I stand there, trembling, my burning gaze locked onto his with all the rage I can muster. My anger killed Leo—it's only fair that it should kill me, too. I'll die at the hands of what I've created. Maybe that will be enough.

A mess of emotions cross his face as he tries to comprehend the situation. Confusion, hurt…and then anger. He snarls at me, his fists clenching. I can see the rage building in him and I tighten my grip on my sai, preparing myself for my last moments. But I know that nothing will ever be enough now. All that's left is for me to die next to Leo…and take this monster with me.

"I only did what I had to do!" he snaps. "I saved you!"

His words sound desperate, like he's trying to convince me as much as he's trying to convince himself. I look at him, my eyes burning, welling up with the threat of tears. How can I kill him? How can I kill my best friend? Spike's been there with me through everything—he's always been there—

But he's not Spike anymore. The Spike I knew, the one I trusted and watched over and loved, is gone. He's been gone since he stepped into the mutagen. What stands before me now is nothing more than a remnant of what was, and an echo of the darkest part of me.

"That mutagen warped your brain," I choke, teeth gritting. "You're not Spike. You're not my friend. You took my family away from me—you ruined everything…" I shift my feet into a fighting stance, eyes narrowing, heart pounding. Understanding what I have to do, I let the next words drip from my tongue like venom. "And now you're going to pay for it."

I lunge for him, bent on my intentions. I'll kill him, and then I'll die. My mind has settled on the realization that this is it—this is all I have left to do. There's nothing left beyond the mess I've made of my sins. I'll pay the price and be gone.

I attack him with everything I have left. Lashing out, screaming nonsense as I kick and twist and punch. I dodge one of his swings and cut through a chunk of his plastron. He bellows, his knuckles catching my face and knocking me aside. I stumble, dizzy. Everything is spinning. The cuts on my lips have opened again. A growl escapes me, fueled by the only thing I have left, and I stab at him, desperate, clumsy. I have nothing left to lose now. It doesn't matter—nothing does—

I run my sai through the palm of his hand as he goes to strike me. The blade pierces through the other side, blood spurting, and he screams out in fury and pain. But my blade is stuck, and I can't move fast enough to evade the heavy swipe of his arm as it comes down on me. My knees give out, but I catch myself with my free arm before I can collide with the pavement and spring back up like a coil at the expense of my wrist.

Everything sounds distant when I go for him again—the thundering roar tearing up from him as our blades meet, the _shing_ of metal on metal as it slides over one another, the pounding of my heart and the rush of blood through my head. It's like I've become detached from this point in time, like the part of me that mattered died when Leo's body hit the ground. I hardly notice when he slices across my leg. I'm only faintly conscious of the warmth of blood running down my calf, and the sting of my flesh being split. And when his fist comes crashing across my vision and sends me sprawling on my stomach, I barely feel that, too. Just the dull thump, the buzz of pain and heat, and the beating of my heart against my chest. I must get back up, because my vision is righted again and I'm on my feet, but I don't feel in control anymore. I'm just gone.

I watch him charge me, howling so loudly that my ears start to tingle. But something in me has given way, and the fire is gone.

Because I know I can't do this.

I grip my sai and let him come at me, let him smack me into the concrete with a heavy blow. The wind is torn from my lungs and a dizzy rush takes me. I almost get up, but the image of Leo's dead body rips across my mind, and all my fight is drained from me. There's no point. I don't have it in me to kill Slash. And so I lay on the cold cement at his mercy.

He kicks me in the side and I go tumbling over myself, skin sloughed off, blood oozing.

_Will Donnie and Mikey be okay on their own?_

Another kick. Another punch.

_Do they know that it's my fault?_

More pain, more heat. Red, red, red.

_Will they find our bodies down here?_

Slash is shouting, yelling at me, but I can't tell if they're words or just meaningless sound.

_And what will Master Splinter think when I never come home?_

Throbbing waves, sharp, dull, pain, pain, pain—

_When Leo never comes home?_

He must be lost in his rage now, because he doesn't even seem to notice that he's beating me to death. His fists smash me into the ground. Something cracks. I taste blood. It's hard to breathe.

But I can't move, and I become dimly aware that my vow to kill him will never be fulfilled. I can't do that. I can't bring myself to lift another fist towards him, to even raise my voice against him. Everything he is, everything he's done, is because of me. I did this. I made him.

And now I'm going to die by his hands.

~T~

{Leo}

I don't expect to wake up. When that darkness hit me, I thought that was it. But my eyes are peeling open, my heart fluttering, and my blood is pulsing slowly throughout my body. My throat feels unnaturally tight and my lungs feel heavy. But I'm breathing.

The pain is thick. A wave, beating in tune with my heart, crushing my head in its hands. I feel broken in every sense of the word. I don't even know how I'm still alive, but I'm not about to question it. My consciousness is still crawling into the light, dragging itself along, and my senses are gradually awakened.

I hear the sounds before my vision is able to clear. Grunts, screams, shouts, and cries of pain. And through the muddled haze of my mind, I pick out Raph's voice, hoarse and small, laced between the monstrous roars.

My sight is slowly given back to me, and I bite down a groan, blinking as my eyes adjust through the flickering dots.

I see them, across the room. Raph is lying on the floor, curled in pain, bruised and bleeding. Slash is standing above him, snapping, pounding him into the ground. There's blood running down his arm and dripping from his hand.

It all comes rushing back, pushing through the heavy fog of my mind as I struggle to reattach myself to this present moment. All that registers in my brain is my brother. He's hurt—he's going to die if I don't do something—

I don't think I have it in me to stand, but the sight of Raph's broken form beneath that monster triggers something in me. Something raw and undefined. I drag myself to my knees, tenderly holding my throat. I feel the metal links still wrapped around my neck, and I gingerly begin to loosen them, grimacing at the sting, and I slip the chain over my head. I drop it to the ground and it echoes throughout the whole room, catching the attention of them both.

Their eyes widen. I can barely make out the glimmer of tears that suddenly slips down Raph's dirtied face at the sight of me. But Slash emits only anger—more so now that he sees he didn't quite do the job right the first time. I keep my gaze locked on his and struggle to my feet. My knees are trembling, my breath comes short, and my heart is beating far too fast for such a simple action. Or maybe it's because I know that I'm going to die.

My vision fades in and out. My throat still feels like the chain's wrapped around it, choking the life from me. I'm teetering on the line between life and death, and as Slash glares at me and steps my way, I know I've sealed my fate.

"I see stubbornness runs in the family," he spits, slowly closing the distance between us. I see Raph reach out for me from the corner of my eye, gasping my name.

"L-Leo!"

I can't bring myself to look at him. My voice comes out thin and forced, but I'm surprised I still have one at all.

"Raph…g-go," I manage, wincing at the sharp flares of pain shooting across my damaged cords. "R-run…and t-take care of them."

Slash starts laughing and eyes me curiously.

"You can stay where you are, Raphie-boy," he rumbles. His eyes flash. "This won't take long."

And I know he's right. I can barely keep awake now as it is. The familiar, cold cloud of darkness is waiting along the recesses of my mind, ready to swallow me whole the second my heart gives out. One hit from Slash, and I know I'm dead. But if I can distract him long enough for Raph to escape, then I'll have done my job. Raph is all that matters now. He has to survive, and get home to our family. He has to be there to take care of them after I'm gone.

He reaches me. Grabs me by the front of my shell and hoists me off the ground. My body screams in pain, but I merely grit my teeth, ready to face the end. I wonder briefly if Sensei would be proud of me.

Slash pushes me up against the wall behind me. My shell scrapes and I cough on the thickness in my lungs. I keep my eyes locked on his in defiance, clenching my jaw against the pain and directing all of my energy into facing my demise with honor and strength.

I can tell the way I'm looking at him is making him angry. He snarls, eyes narrowing, and he pulls me forth and slams me back into the wall. I grunt and hold down the pain, keeping it snug between my teeth and my eyes on him. I'm hoping my gaze is screaming all the words I'm too weak to say myself; that he knows he hasn't broken me.

And I'm hoping that Raph is miles away by now.

"You're more trouble than you're worth, you know that?" he seethes. He smacks me upside the head, and my neck snaps to the side, thumping into the wall. That sickening buzz sweeps over me and blood dribbles down my lip, but I make no response. My eyes are trained on him.

His lip curls and he roars. "I'm going to kill you—"

His fist strikes me, and my vision flickers. The blow ricochets throughout my body and I know I'll be dead in minutes.

"I'm going to smash your head into the pavement—"

He rips me from my place on the wall and slams me into the ground. My breath hitches and my heart skips dangerously. The balance is tipping. This is it…

"You're dead, you understand?" he bellows. "_Dead_!"

And for some reason, I turn my head slightly, averting my gaze for just a moment to where Raph was lying, and a certain peace comes over me when I see that he's no longer there.

He got away. He's safe now. Which means my family will be okay.

I turn back to watch Slash raise his fist through blurred vision, and I take one last breath, resigning myself unto death. That instant is stretched out into an eternity as his arm flexes and his shoulder moves his whole limb forth, crashing towards me, ready to crack my skull open and smash me into the nothingness—

My mind is moving at a million miles per hour, as if to cram in any final thoughts before my inevitable death steals the world from under me. But the only thought that means anything is a single apology; a final regret that I wish I could project into the minds of the ones I love.

_I'm sorry,_ I think mournfully, uselessly._ I wasn't strong enough to make it home this time._

Then I close my eyes and wait for the end to come…

…But instead of darkness, a scream penetrates my senses. One that isn't mine.

I look up, and in a split-second, I see Raph running for us, his sai raised high above him, his eyes blazing with tears and anger and pain as he hurls himself at Slash—

And slams the blades right through his head.

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**A/N: Oh my gosh, what the heck just happened? I don't even know-and I'm the one who wrote it! **

**Hah, oh man, I bet you're all sick of cliffhangers by now, huh? Well, don't you worry, 'cause there's only ONE CHAPTER LEFT. Ah! *arm flailing***

**Be sure to leave your thoughts! I love to read through all of your reviews; totally makes my day. ^_^**


	5. Chapter 5: Brother

**Author's Note:** Whelp, there you go: the last chapter! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go change my name and move to Johnny Depp's Island.

P.S.: Thanks for the fifty reviews, guys! You're all AWESOME! :D

**Disclaimer:** Aaannnd it's still not mine. But I can dream, right?

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**Chapter Five: Brother**

{Raph}

There's only silence. As the blades go through his head, the crunch vibrates through my body, resonating in my ears, but I don't hear it. I don't hear anything. Not the scrape of Leo's shell as I pull him out of the way, not the violent thrumming of my heart as it pounds against my ribs, not the thump of flesh as he smacks into the concrete. None of it. Only silence. Deafening, soul-wrenching silence.

I'm hurting. Everywhere. But it's worse somewhere deep inside, where I can't reach. I've never felt this pain before—not even when I was being beaten into the pavement. This is something cold, something empty and hollow and unforgiving, like someone reached into me and tore out all of my insides.

I can't seem to swallow. I can't seem to breathe, either. Leo's somewhere behind me, but I can't bring myself to look at him. I can't seem to move anywhere except for a few wobbly steps forward.

I'm staring down at his body, unable to process anything other than the red rapidly spilling from his skull where my blades pierced through bone and brain matter. He lies still, motionless; a limp heap of muscle and scales and shell. But a flicker of movement catches in my peripheral. My gaze is drawn to his face, and it's like lightning striking me. His eyes are open, and they're looking at me. Watching me. A slow blink; the faint glow of life, but fading, fading, fading. I can't move, so I stand there, paralyzed, my eyes locked onto his for a horrifying moment that slips into eternity. A sliver of tears runs down my face as I look down at him.

And somehow, I find my voice, and I pick the words from the jumbled mess of my mind.

"You were my best friend," I whisper. "I'm-I'm sorry…Spike."

He keeps his eyes open, boring into me with an unidentifiable emotion, and I don't look away until the light completely fades from them. And then I know.

He's dead. He's dead and I killed him.

A pitiful sound tries to get past the lump in my throat, but it gets stuck, and I choke. There's so much blood…

I cover my mouth with my hand and my vision blurs with the tears I don't care to control. I sink to my knees, and the sea of red parts around me, soaking through my wrappings, sticking to my legs, gleaming in the dim light. I can't get my eyes off of the hilts protruding from his skull. I did this. It was me, all me, all over again—

I can't stop the sob that racks through my chest, igniting the pain that I no longer care for. I stare at the result of my foolishness, my anger, and I watch the red trail down his face, melting into the ever-expanding pool beneath him. I want to tell myself that he gave me no choice, that this was the only way to save Leo, but I know deep down that it's not true. I made my choice in the very beginning, when I chose anger over forgiveness, rage over understanding. When I locked myself away and spewed my venom in front of Spike—that was my choice. And this…this is the consequence.

And so the silence, heavy with the weight of what I've done, crawls over me, like hands around my throat. I clench my fists at my side, shaking violently against the pain.

"Raph…"

Leo's voice stirs me from my stupor of grief. I sniffle, wiping the tears and mucus from my face and turning away from Slash's prone form to see my brother, lying on his back behind me. He croaks my name again, wincing at the pain as he tries to sit up.

"Hey," I growl, hoarse. I crawl to his side and gently push him back down. "Don't—you're hurt. Just…just try to keep still…"

He groans, his face contorting in agony as he shifts restlessly. His breath comes quick and short and shallow. I can hear the blood bubbles popping in the back of his throat.

I swallow and glance up to the stairway a ways behind us. My body feels stiff and spent, and I'm not even sure what all lies broken within me. The rush of adrenaline that took me when I threw myself at Slash is still pumping through my veins, clouding my senses, smearing the signals of pain beneath the haze. I can barely move, but I have to get him home.

I grit my teeth and bite down the pain, forcing myself to my feet. Sharp stings are flickering all throughout my body, and my breath comes no better than Leo's.

"Raph," he coughs. "D-don't—"

"I'm getting us home," I hiss. The blood pools in my mouth and I spit it to the side, wincing. I bend down and slip my arms underneath his and carefully lift—

"Ah!" His body jerks in a spasm of pain, and I quickly lay him back down.

"Sorry! I'm sorry!" I gasp.

His face scrunches, his eyes and jaw clenched shut beneath the throes.

"I've got to get you outta here," I breathe. I feel closed in, boxed up, cornered with no other option than to die. And I can't give in like that. "We have to get _home_."

"But—"

"No!" I snap in frustration. "We're going home, Leo! I'll figure it out! We just have to…to…" I sigh and bury my face in my hands. My knees are wobbling, and it isn't a second later that they give out on me, and I hit the ground with a jarring thud. I clench my jaw and blink back the tears. No…there's no way I'm stopping now. I've got to try…we have to get home…

But looking at his face, I know. He's dying. If I try to move him now, I'll only kill him faster. The understanding hits me like a tidal wave, crashing into me, throwing me into the cold waters. I can see it in his eyes. His fire is gone.

"B-but Leo," I cry despairingly. "Leo, we gotta get home…"

He coughs, spitting up blood. His eyes are clouded and glazed over. His arms are twitching as he tries to fight the convulsions in his muscles.

"Raph," he pants. The effort it takes him to speak is draining me. "I-It's okay…"

A sob wrenches me in half as I realize what he's saying. I'm on my hands and knees beside his broken form, tears streaming down my dirtied face.

"Leo… Leo, come on," I plead. "I-I can't lose you too…"

He heaves up another mouthful of blood, shaking violently. My heart is torn at the sight of him, at those pale blue eyes, fading.

"I'm sorry," he sputters. "Y-You should g-go…and tell…tell them I s-said goodbye…"

My fingers curl, digging into my palms.

"Shut up!" I snap. "You're gonna be fine—I'll get you home, just…just hang on."

I reach for him, dragging myself to my feet once more and pulling his body against mine and off the ground. He grimaces, moaning at the pain I'm no doubt inflicting, but I don't know what else to do, and there's no way I'm leaving him here to die.

I stagger for the exit. There's a limp in my right leg I've only just now noticed, and a horrible, stabbing pain, like knives sticking into my calf. I wince and stop for a moment, struggling to hold Leo's weight in my arms.

I…I can't—

_No! Shut up and do it! Get him home!_

I groan and push forward. Inching in slow, painful steps. I can't seem to breathe right, and my entire body is burning.

"Raph," he coughs weakly. His face twists as he fights off another wave. "Raph…please…"

My vision is blurred with a thick layer of tears. "I said shut up, Leo!"

"No…" He grabs my arm in a feeble attempt to push me away. "Raph—" He starts coughing again, worse this time, and his body is jerking so much that I have to stoop to one knee just to keep him from falling.

"I-It hurts," he pants. Blood drips from his mouth, and his head hangs over my arm, limp, pale. "Just…just let me—" His words are broken by another respiratory fit. I have no choice then but to lay him back down and watch him choke up more fluids.

The warmth of tears slips down my face as I stare at him. My voice is thick. "Y-you're...not coming home," I choke. "Are you?"

He coughs up the last of it and shakes his head weakly. "I-I can't…"

I watch him as the gears slowly turn in my mind. I can feel the pain coursing through me, like ice and then fire, exhausting my every fiber. I know I can't face my family if Leo dies here. There's nothing left for me to do...

I swallow hard. "Then I'm not either."

His eyes widen a little at that, but I lay back onto the ground beside him, pressing my forehead against his shoulder.

"Raph, d-don't—"

"I'm not leaving you," I whisper sharply. "So shut it."

"But I'm…dying," he pants.

I close my eyes for a moment and feel an unnatural twitch in my chest as my heart struggles to pump. I can feel the darkness waiting in the corners of my mind, slowly creeping in, and I know then that I'm not going anywhere.

"Yeah," I say, broken. "Guess that makes two of us."

He makes a sound in the back of his throat, like he doesn't believe me, but I just sling an arm over his chest and curl up next to him, trying to find comfort in his fading warmth. I feel his hand brush up into mine, grabbing my wrist as he starts to cough again. I can sense his fear—he doesn't want to die. And as much as he wants me to leave, I know that he's really terrified of facing the end alone.

"It's okay," I whisper as he gasps for breath. "I'm here…"

His grip on my hand tightens, and I squeeze back, as if that's any reassurance. I can't help him. We're both going to die here, and no one's ever going to know.

I close my eyes and breathe as deep as I can before the pain is too much. I listen to his heart, fluttering like a damaged bird trying to get off the ground. His breath rattles and pops as the blood sticks in his lungs. My body tenses in anger I can't express, in helplessness, in frustration and guilt. I did this...

I squeeze his hand harder as I try to fight the rising torrent of blame and hurt. He's dying, and he's dying slowly. In pain, cold, and confused. Only hours ago were we all back in the lair, laughing and goofing off as we readied ourselves for patrol. Now we're here, inches from death, as our brothers struggle to recover underground, oblivious to our condition.

"D-do you think...they'll f-find us?" he gasps, ragged. My throat closes up and I bury my face into his chest, wishing I could just disappear.

"I don't know," I whisper. "...I hope not."

And I know he's thinking the same thing. I don't ever want any of them to see me like this, to see Leo like this, and to know that it was all my fault. I hope we stay buried here until our bones turn to dust and we vanish from existence.

Time goes by. Seconds melt into minutes, minutes into forever, and forever into eternity. I lay next to him and listen, gripping every heart beat like a vice. I can't find the strength to say anything else, and all of my apologies stay lodged in my throat, smothering me. I almost start to doze off—that, or I'm dying—when Leo's chest vibrates against my ear with the sound of his voice.

He's mumbling something, but I can't hear it. I sit up and look at him to see that his eyes have closed, and his breathing has slowed to an almost non-existent rate. My heart skips and twists, flaring pain through my chest, and I wince, holding his hand tighter, as if by sheer willpower I could somehow keep him tethered to this world.

"No—don't...don't leave me."

He doesn't respond this time.

I press my forehead against his, quivering. "Brother, please..."

But there's nothing. Only silence.

The tears smear the world around me and spill down my face in hot streaks. I collapse against him, burrowing my face into his neck as the sobs shake me through. I can't hear his heart beat anymore. I can't feel his warmth anymore.

I clutch him and cry hard enough to hurt. My lungs can't take in the breath fast enough for me to push it out, and I lose myself in my grief, in that endless abyss of pain. Spike's gone. Leo's gone.

I'm gone.

And in that moment, I've given up. I hand myself over—my life, my guilt, my shame, my sins—all of it. I let go and give myself to the mercy of the darkness lapping at the corners of my mind. And then I hold onto his lifeless body and weep until everything goes black.


	6. Chapter 6: Family

**Author's Note: **APRIL FOOLS! Hah, you thought I'd seriously end it like _that_?! Heck no! I love my little babies! I hope you guys like this ending as much as I do. I wrote it all super fast in order to get it in by midnight, so I'm sure it's far from perfect, but I doubt anyone cares, lol.

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

* * *

**Chapter Six: Family**

{Leo}

Darkness. Like waves, rolling, swelling, carrying me along. Drifting endlessly amidst the black. Just the empty quiet, the hollow cold, enveloping the nothingness.

But what once was only silence has given way to something faint and indistinct. Voices, drifting along with me, pulling, tugging at my consciousness. Like little ghosts nipping at me. I feel the waters shift; the darkness begins to subside. Slowly at first, and then more rapidly, like the sea is draining from underneath me, swirling and dragging me along. I feel like I'm scrambling to find a grip on something whole, something solid, and as the voices grow louder and the shadows recede into the black, I try to latch on to them. Anything to pull me forward.

The pain hits me first. It starts out dull, but as I crawl into the light, it sharpens. Part of me wants to let go and drop back into the black—anything to escape the horrid sensation. But the voices become clearer, and as the gears in my brain begin to click and churn once more, I start to recognize them.

"I think he's waking up!"

_Donnie._

Forward. Forward, forward, forward.

"Leo? Bro, can you hear us?"

_Mikey._

Pushing through the black haze. Towards the light, away from the darkness. The sea of black and cold starts to fall away from me, releasing me as I crawl forward. The chill remains, but the nothingness is being stripped from all around me as the voices get louder.

The pain increases. Stabbing, throbbing, searing and aching. I hesitate at the heightened sense, but another voice breaks the darkness.

"Wake up, my son."

_Splinter._

I lurch forth and grab onto the pain. It hurts—more than I could've thought—but it's real, and pain means feeling, and feeling means life. I wrap myself around it and use it like a rope to climb up, up, up. The cold starts to drip from me, seeping from my bones as the thrum of my injuries flushes my body with warmth. Almost…almost there…

The sting of my wounds hits me, relentless. But I just clutch it like a vice and pull. My lungs are aching. My chest is on fire. It hurts to breathe—

But I'm breathing.

My senses are gradually restored to me, and my consciousness flickers to life as awareness washes over me. I'm breathing. I can hear my heart beating. The blood rushing. My head pounding. I'm lying down on something cold and hard, but it's real, it's tangible—

"Come on, Leo!"

Mikey again. Pull, pull, pull. Come on, come on—

_WHAM!_

My eyes snap open and a gasp opens my chest with breath. The light of the room hurts, and I wince, hissing and turning my head away from it. Three blurry shapes become colors and then take the forms of my memories. My family.

Mikey's the first one I see clearly—though I'm sure that has something to do with him being two inches from my face.

"Leo!" he shouts, ecstatic. And loud. He beams a smile so big, it's a wonder his face doesn't rip in half. "Dude! You're alive!" He then turns around and jabs a finger at the taller figure—Donnie.

"See? I _told_ you! I told you he'd make it!"

Donnie's features begin to clear up as my vision focuses, and a relieved smile washes over him.

"Hey, Leo," he says warmly. He puts his hand on mine and squeezes gently, and that's when I notice the cast on his arm. "You feeling okay?"

I try to find my voice, but only a groan pushes past my clenched teeth, and then I start to cough. My chest burns against the convulsions, and Donnie puts his hand on my plastron and sits beside me.

"It's okay—it's okay. Just calm down… Slow breaths." He turns. "Mikey, get some water, and grab those two blue bottles on the counter by the sink!"

"Got it, Doctor D.!"

Donnie makes a face at that. "Mikey, for the hundredth time, I'm not a doctor, and you're _not_ my nurse. Now get the bottles!"

The coughing gets worse. I try to sit up, but my arms just shake and I slump back down. I feel so…weak…

Donnie slides over and pulls me against him, supporting my broken frame. I move my arm and notice the IV sticking out from my wrist—both of my wrists, actually.

"I needed a way to get some fluids into you," Donnie explains at my curious gaze. "Your rib injuries were severe, so I had to give you some anesthetic to keep you under long enough for your body to begin healing on its own without any physical disruptions."

"Your brother worked very hard to keep you alive, my son."

My eyes flicker to Master Splinter, standing at the end of the table with a gentle smile on his face. I stare at him as Mikey runs over with the water and the bottles. Donnie takes them and tilts my head back a little.

"Here," he says, shaking out two pills and dropping them into the glass. "Drink this."

I swallow hard before bringing the glass to my lips. The water's warm, and the liquid slips down my throat with ease, carrying both of the pills with it. The feeling of the water seeping over my dry mouth and throat prompts me to try drinking the whole thing, but Donnie grabs the glass and stops me.

"Not so fast, Leo. The last thing you need is to start choking again." He sets the water down beside me and I stare at it longingly.

Splinter steps over to my side.

"We were all very worried… I thought we had lost you this time." He puts his hand on my arm. "But your strength has impressed me, Leonardo. You are a true warrior."

I blink at his comment and look down at my battered form, at all the bandages and bruises and welts and cords sticking out from me. I sure don't feel strong. I almost died—twice now.

Wait—

"H-How—" I start coughing again, curling a fist up to my mouth. Donnie pats the back of my shell.

"It's okay, take your time."

It passes after a minute or so, and I take a deep breath, clearing my throat.

"How long have I been out?"

"About two weeks now."

My eyes widen and my breath hitches. "Two weeks?!"

Donnie tilts his head. "Leo, your injuries were extensive. We all thought you were dead—I'm honestly surprised you woke up this fast."

Two weeks. _Weeks_. I've been out cold for that long? How is that possible? I don't even remember…

"How did I get here?" I ask hoarsely.

"You can thank Donatello for that," Master Splinter says, putting a hand on Donnie's shoulder with a grateful gleam in his eyes. "He and Michelangelo came back here and told me what had occurred, and we all went to the surface to find you. Donatello's the one who tracked you and your brother to the abandoned building."

"We found you in the basement…" Donnie whispers. "And we saw…well…" He trails off for a moment and looks at me, concern brimming in his gaze. "Leo…what happened down there?"

I swallow and avert my gaze. It's all still coming back to me, in short, harrowing bursts. I had hoped it was all just some sick dream—a nightmare—but my present state of being is evidence enough that it was all real. Very, very real.

Another thought comes to mind.

"Raph," I whisper. "Where's Raph?"

They all look at each other.

"He's been in his room," Mikey mutters. I can hear a hint of resentment tinging his voice, and it surprises me. "He won't talk to any of us. He didn't…he didn't even come out to see you—"

"Michelangelo," Splinter scolds. "Your brother is in deep pain. Surely you see that."

"I know." Mikey looks away, but his fists are clenched. "But still…" He trails off under Splinter's fierce gaze and keeps his darkened eyes to the floor. I can see the confusion and hurt rippling off of him in waves, and I wonder for a moment what happened to make little Mikey this visibly bitter towards Raph.

But Donnie breaks the awkward tension. "Raph was pretty bad off—you both were. He's been healing up, for the most part…I'm just not sure about his mental state. Like Mikey said, he won't talk to any of us, not even when I go in to give him his medicine or food, and he's hardly eaten anything. He keeps ripping out his IV cords, too…" He clears his throat. "That's why I wanted to know…what happened there between you two. We, uh…we saw Slash—or Spike." His eyes flicker up to meet mine. "Did Raph…?"

"Yeah," I mumble, swallowing. "He did."

"Oh."

And that's all anyone can say to that. I let out a shaky breath and scoot away from Donnie as I attempt to get off of the table.

"Leo—" Donnie starts, reaching for me. "Leo, you're not ready—your injuries—"

"I'm going to go see him," I mutter. I swing my legs over the edge and bite down a fresh wave of pain.

"But Leo—"

"Let him go, Donatello," Splinter interjects. He reaches out and helps me to my feet. I peel the IVs from my wrists and set them on the table.

"Give me a few minutes, okay?" I whisper. They all watch me, and Donnie nods, holding back his medical protests. Mikey sighs, and standing so close to him, I notice the old wounds along the sides of his head and a faint bruising under his eye. There are scars across his shell, too.

"Bring him back," Mikey says quietly. "Okay?"

I watch him for a moment and nod slowly. "Okay."

No one follows me as I hobble over to his room. I stand in front of the door, filled with uncertainty and a million other things I don't care to identify.

It takes an eternity for me to summon the courage to put my hand on that door handle and push it open. I pause for a moment before stepping into the darkness of his room, and I shut myself in. I see him lying in his bed, facing the wall with the blankets kicked around his feet and plates full of untouched food by the bedside.

"I told you, Donnie," Raph grumbles, "I'm fine. I don't need you to come check on me every five minutes like I'm some kind of—"

"It's me, Raph."

He stops and rolls over in his bed to face me. His green eyes shine and widen in the darkness.

"Leo?"

I nod and offer a smile. My legs are hurting, and my lungs are having trouble filling with breath past the aching in my ribs.

"Can I, uh…sit down?"

He sits up, still staring, and gives a faint nod. I stagger over to the bed and sit at the end along the edge of the mattress, wincing as a flare of pain moves through my shoulder and down my chest.

"I didn't know you were awake," he mutters softly, looking at his hands.

"And I didn't know I was out for two weeks," I joke weakly. "I thought I died…again."

A flash of pain shoots across his gaze and he turns his head away. My attention is drawn to his lap as he wrings his hands nervously.

"Were you still conscious when Donnie found us?" I ask.

"No," he mutters. "I woke up here, same as you. But I was only out for a few days."

I go to reply, but I start to cough again. He watches me with guilt written all over his expression as I try to regain control over my breathing.

"S-Sorry," I manage. I swallow hard and clear my throat a few times. "I guess I was pretty bad off… Heh, it's been two weeks and I still feel like I was just hit by a train."

His expression remains stiff and withdrawn, and I can see my joking manner isn't doing anything for him. I sigh and look down at my own hands. I have no idea what to say, or where to even start. Do I bring any of it up? Do I ask him about it? Do I tell him everything's going to be okay?

"Donnie said you haven't been talking to any of them," I start, still unsure of where I'm even going with this. "And Mikey looked pretty upset… What's going on?"

But he doesn't say anything. Time slips by, in seconds, in minutes, melting into a forever. I sigh and wonder if he might not want to talk about it. He might not be ready. He feels everything so deeply—I can't imagine how that nightmare must've torn him through.

"Never mind," I whisper. "You don't have to say anything. I'll, um—I guess I'll be in the lab with the others if you need anything." I move to get up when I feel his hand wrap around my forearm.

"Wait," he mutters, his voice thick. "Don't…don't go yet."

I stop and stare at him. He won't look at me, but as the seconds tick by, his hand tightens a little on my arm, pulling me to stay. I let out a shaky breath and sit back down in the bed.

"What is it, Raph?" I ask timidly.

He doesn't say anything for a moment. And then I notice that he's shaking. His grip doesn't loosen on my arm, and I can see a tremble in his bottom lip. He suddenly leans forward, pressing his forehead against my shoulder.

"I thought I killed you," he quivers. "I-I thought you were dead because of me…and I…I lost it."

I watch him, and as I do, a lump begins to form in my throat. I remember him, just a little bit, before I passed out. I remember him clinging to me like he used to when we were kids. I remember him crying and asking me not to leave him alone. A sting runs up my nose when I realize that I almost left him behind.

He chokes back a sob and clutches me desperately, as if I could disappear at any moment.

"L-Leo, I'm s-so sorry—" His cries swallow the rest of his apology, and he leans into me, weeping and shaking. I lose my ability to think or breathe, and I just sit there and stare at him, lost.

"Raph…" But I can't think of anything to say. What could words possibly do now? What wounds could they heal, after all of that pain?

And so I just put my arms around the back of his shell and pull him as close as I can without hurting my tender ribs. He starts to cry even harder, hiccupping and choking on the intense swell of emotions that seem to have poured into the room.

"I don't blame you, Raph," I whisper after a few moments of listening to him sob. I know that's what this must be. He thinks this is all his fault. "You saved my life…and that's all I care about."

He buries his head into my chest. "I-I'm the reason h-he tried to k-kill you in the f-first place. I-If I had just kept my mouth shut—"

I tighten my arms around him, stopping his voice. "Don't, Raph. Slash made his own decision. We all know that."

"But Leo—"

"No," I press. "No one here blames you, got it?"

He forces a groan through clenched teeth, obviously torn by his emotions and my words. I know I can't convince him, not really, not with all that's happened, but I have to try, at least.

"You sacrificed a lot for me," I mutter, remembering the way he stopped Slash from killing me by stabbing him through the head. His best friend, dead. None of us have ever killed anyone before, and for the first thing to be a loved one…

"So…thank you…really."

But he suddenly pushes away from me, hard enough to send a wave of pain down my chest. My breath hitches a little and he looks at me, eyes flaming.

"You're thanking me?" he growls in disbelief. "After all that's happened, you're _thanking _me?"

I frown, brows knit. "Raph—"

"This is all my fault!" he shouts. "And everyone knows it! I almost got you killed, and I almost killed Donnie and Mikey, too! So don't sit there and tell me that it isn't my fault, 'cause I'm not that dense!"

My lip curls. "That's not what I—"

"I know what I did, Leo!" he snarls. "I watched him tear my family apart! And I…I had to…" He trails off for a moment, his expression etched deep with pain and anger. "I saw what I made, and I had to kill it, and I had to watch him bleed to death with my own weapons lodged in his head—"

I cut him off when I reach forth and grab him by the wrist. He tries to pull away, but I jerk him back.

"Look at me, Raph," I growl. He averts his blurry gaze, and I have to tug on him to get him to listen. "I said look!"

He swallows hard and glares up at me. I hold his gaze in silence for a few moments as the tension recedes.

"You are not responsible for his actions," I say firmly. "Slash acted on his own will, even when you tried to stop him. The mutagen did something to him, and you can't blame yourself for that."

His jaw clenches, but he doesn't say anything.

"Besides," I press. "What does blame do for you? Did you only save my life because you felt guilty?"

His eyes widen and he shakes his head. "No, Leo—"

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Because you're my brother!" he snaps. His breath catches in a moment of hesitation, and a tear slips down his face. "And I need you."

I watch him for a moment before letting go of his wrist and sitting back on the bed. "Exactly. So focus on the emotions that are worth something—the ones that push you forward. Because guilt isn't one of those."

His nostrils flare with breath and he wipes his face with the back of his hand. I continue to stare at him through narrowed eyes, watching his expression shift and melt through his emotions until he cracks a smile and shakes his head with a broken chuckle.

"Calm down, Master Splinter," he jabs. "Geez. I can't take lectures from all of you."

My shoulders slump a little in relief. "If I wasn't so sore, I'd smack you."

He laughs. "Yeah, okay, Leo."

We're both smiling now as the pain fades from the air. I can see there's still more he wants to say, but I know it will come out in slow waves, when he's ready. What matters now is our family.

I nod to his plates of food by the bed. "You've got to start eating, you know." And then I arch a brow when I see the IV cords hanging uselessly from the stand, and I remember what Donnie said about Raph constantly ripping them out.

"And you can't keep tearing off your cords."

His eyes widen and he snarls. "What? No way! I'm not letting Boy-Genius stick needles into me five times a day!"

"You want to get better, don't you?" I ask.

"Well I don't see _you _wearing 'em!" He points to my wrists in emphasis. "Besides, you were unconscious for two weeks, so it's not like you felt anything."

"First off, I had to come see you, you idiot," I mutter. "And second, those cords are probably the only thing that kept me alive, which means I could care less about how many needles he has to stick me with, as long as I get better."

"Yeah, we'll see who has to come hold you down when he needs to draw your blood."

My eyes narrow. "Are we really going to start this argument?"

He nods. "What else are we supposed to do? We already had our awkward 'I'm sorry' session—I've got to balance out these moments somehow."

I smack my forehead into my palm. "You're hopeless."

He scoffs, crossing his arms. "And don't you forget it."

I smile and arch a brow. "So…you really missed me, huh?"

"Shut up," he snarls, shoving me over. I laugh and push him away.

"I'm just messing with you," I smirk. "And Raph?"

He glares at me. "What?"

"I need you, too."

His eyes soften and he smiles faintly.

I sigh and scoot off of the bed. "We should go see the others. They're probably worried about the both of us."

He looks at me with uncertainty. "And you're sure they don't hate me?"

I scoff. "Don't be ridiculous, Raph. They just want you to be okay. All of us do. Now come on."

He smiles at that, slips off the edge of the mattress, and follows me out the door.

~T~

{Raph}

I help Leo walk back to the lab, and it really makes me feel better to see him acting like his normal, dorky, obnoxious self again. I don't have to be worried about whatever Slash said to him, because I know he's still the same old Leo.

And seeing him now it makes me wonder why I ever thought I hated him.

We reach the lab, and Leo pushes open the door, and my heart skips because I'm waiting to see the way everyone looks at me—

"Raph!"

Mikey comes running and practically bulldozes the two of us. I barely have time to react and catch him as he throws himself at me.

"Hey Mikey," I chuckle. "Leo's the one you should be tackling. He just came back from the dead and all."

But Mikey squeezes me harder and nuzzles his face into my chest.

"I missed you," he says. There's a sadness in his voice, and it pierces my heart. I look down at him and realize I've shut them all out ever since they brought me home. And once again, I'm questioned by my own selfishness.

I sigh, smiling warmly and hugging the little guy back.

"I missed you too, bro," I mumble. He looks up at me and grins that ridiculous grin of his and laughs.

"Good! 'Cause I've been, like, crazy bored with both you and Leo all unconscious and stuff!" He steps back and nudges me, shielding his mouth with his hand in a secretive fashion. "Donnie's a total buzz-kill to hang out with. Psh, won't even let me play with all of his little potions—"

"They're not potions, _Mikey_," Donnie mutters, crossing his arms. "They're extremely dangerous chemicals and I've told you countless times not to touch anything—"

"See what I mean?" Mikey groans. "I can't do _anything_ fun with him around!"

He and Donnie start a rather heated debate on the definition of 'fun' while Leo and I just look at each other and laugh. I didn't realize how much I missed this until now.

Master Splinter approaches the four of us with a warm and thankful look in his eyes.

"It is good to see you, Raphael," he says, nodding at me. I rub the back of my neck.

"Yeah…thanks, Sensei. And…I'm, um… I'm sorry for hiding like that. I shouldn't have been so withdrawn—"

"You have nothing to apologize for, my son," he whispers. "You have been through much in these past few weeks. I am just glad that you and your brother are safe now."

Leo looks at me and smiles with the kind of face that says "I told you so." I scoff and roll my eyes, smirking back.

"You and me both, Sensei," I chuckle.

"And I want you to know, my son," he starts, "that no matter what happens, your brothers and I will always be there for you."

There's a warm feeling in my stomach, and I nod gratefully.

"Yeah," I say softly, looking over all three of my brothers. "I know."

Splinter smiles and nods, and Mikey looks like he's talked enough nonsense to temporarily short-circuit Donnie's brain.

"Alright!" he exclaims. "It's totally time to party, bros!"

"Michelangelo, I'm sure your brothers would like to rest now," Splinter gently chides. Mikey merely scoffs.

"They've been resting for two weeks! How much more do they need?" But when Sensei glares at him, he sighs, slumping his shoulders.

"_Fine_. We can just do something together that doesn't involve moving."

I arch a brow. "Like what?"

But I immediately regret asking when I see that stupid grin on his face.

"We can watch all nine seasons of Super Robo Mecha Force Five!"

There's a collective groan emitting from all three of us, and Sensei just laughs to himself.

"I hope you boys have fun," he taunts as he walks out of the lab.

I smack my head against my palm. "You're kidding, right Mikey? All nine seasons?"

He glares at me in the most serious manner he can manage. "Does this face look like it's joking?"

I frown and cross my arms. "…No."

"Hah! 'Cause it ain't! Now someone go make the popcorn! Leo, you can have the couch, and Donnie and Raph can sit on the floor—or we could just push all the couches in here like a big sleep over—is anyone writing this down? Oh! And we need pizza. _Lots_ of pizza. Someone text April and tell her to get on that…"

His voice fades away as he continues to spout orders than no one's going to listen too. Leo limps over to my side with Donnie, and he slings his arm around my shoulder.

"Bet you're glad to be back now, huh Raph?" Donnie jokes. "All nine seasons. What a blast."

"Yeah," I chuckle. "What have I been missing out on?"

Donnie frowns over my head, no doubt catching Mikey doing something wrong.

"Mikey, put that down—Mikey, that's _not_ popcorn!" He stomps off and Leo and I listen to Mikey squealing as Donnie drags him away from all of his work. I'm laughing to myself when I notice Leo's watching me with a very particular smile on his face. I arch a brow.

"What?"

He shrugs. "Oh, I was just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"Slash was wrong about you."

I stop and stare at him with probably a really stupid look on my face.

Leo just chuckles and pulls me along towards the TV Mikey's so rapidly setting up as Donnie argues with him about where to plug in what cords.

"Come on, I know you don't want to miss a single second of it," Leo jokes.

And so we all bunch up in front of the TV with piles of pizza and popcorn and soda. All of us, together, joking and being idiots and throwing food, just like we always do. And it's then, surrounded by my brothers, that I know that what Leo said was true: Slash was wrong. Because I was wrong.

They're my family. And I wouldn't change them for the world.

* * *

**A/N: THE END. For real this time.**


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